From the first moment of birthing a baby from the womb into the world of sudden cold, brightness and newness, we are in the process of letting go of these precious beings into their own lives. The management of the balance of holding safely and letting go is the art of parenting. It may be many years before you watch as your fully grown yet not at all fully formed young daughter or son look more to their futures without you than their past cuddled up next to you reading a book, clinging on tightly and fearfully as you leave them in someone else’s company, preferring to be with you over anyone else in the universe. Those days are often fraught with fear that this child will never be able to play by herself, will be too clingy to ever want to be independent. But when you have watched the whole process unfold—from not being able to go to the bathroom without a child attached to some body part to not knowing what goes on in their days, even weeks—you

I just read a very powerful sentence in a wonderful book, The Gift of an Ordinary Day by Katrina Kenison. She said, “As soon as I stop wishing for things to be different, I am met by the beauty of what is….” How much time do we spend wishing for things to be different. I am one of those “the grass must be greener over there” people—always wondering “what if”. It keeps me out of and away from “what is”. No matter what the present moment brings—whether it’s a child screaming in rage, a car that won’t start, angry words from a friend or relative, too little money—if it is negative, we tend to place blame elsewhere, decide we are at fault, or shutdown in hopelessness. How hard it is to stop wishing for things to be different. what if we were able to say, “This is what I have to deal with right now. This is what is happening. Let me stay right here and pay attention. It’s ok if I feel angry, embarrassed, impatient, bewildered, disappointed, afraid. Imagine

I am beginning my second attempt at blogging with some thoughts about the anxiety and fears that arise in every day parenting. What am I supposed to do? How much should I push? When do I pull back? What is the right answer? When is this child ever going to learn….?

I don’t know whether or not it is human nature or whether we learn it in our chaotic world filled with addictions to performance and product and the “shoulds” of life, but most of us worry about what has been and what will come. The older I get the more I realize the importance of being in the moment. Yet still I fret over the “shoulds” of my life. It is amazing how much one simple “should” creates anxiety in an otherwise perfectly fine moment.

What I do know, even though I still struggle, is that the key to less stressful lives is to focus on the here and now, let go of the past, and stop overreaching for the future. What I have learned in the years of