Monthly Archives: January 2013

Empathy vs Sympathy
Empathy vs. Sympathy

There is a fine line between sympathy and empathy. Learning the difference can make huge changes in your relationship with your child.

  • Sympathy directs attention to how you feel.
  • Empathy is about listening. It tells your child you are paying attention to how she feels.
  • Sympathy is about me. Empathy is about you.
  • Empathy has nothing to do with how you feel; it’s about understanding how the other feels given their circumstance.

Empathy and sympathy as metaphor:

Imagine a huge hole in the ground with Man A stuck at the bottom unable to escape. Man B walks nearby and hears Man A calling for help. Man B sees Man A at the bottom of the hole and jumps in to help. Now both are stuck at the bottom of the hole. Man C walks by and hears both A and C calling for help. Man C tells them he will be back soon. Later, Man C arrives with a ladder.

Man B acted out of sympathy for Man A and jumped in thinking he was helping Man A. Now both

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Evidence of our Culture of Punishment

While most readers of the viral blog, “I am Adam Lanza’s Mother” (http://is.gd/37Hw8n) were overcome with empathy for this mother of a reportedly mentally ill son and christened her a national heroine, I had a different take. I could not help but see it all from her son’s perspective.

The author, Liza Long, and mother of “Michael,” makes a strong case for mental health advocacy. Mental illness must be confronted. Policy change is long over due. These children need help. While I hope the Newtown tragedy heightens this conversation, I have a more complex bone to pick. If we are to lay blame for the Newtown tragedy, it needs to go to our parenting culture of punishment.

Long’s son undoubtedly has impulse problems, uncontrollable anger, a possible mental condition, and as she says, “The chaotic environment exacerbates Michael’s sensitivity to sensory stimuli…” He appears to be a highly volatile child who desperately needs sensitive care.

However what he received, as his mother writes, is threat after threat—the go-to technique to get children to obey, thanks to our culture

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