“Wait, aren’t I the parent here?” Using Your Parent Authority

The human child remains with a parent until the child is capable of making his own decisions about his health, safety, and well-being. The parent holds authority over this child until that time — usually through the teen years.

That’s the reason for parent authority. It is not to control the child to be who the parent wants or to demand obedience to make life easier for the parent. This leads to power struggles and rebellion or looking to others for authority and approval.

Your job as parent is to insure that your child does what she shouldn’t be expected to do on her own – simply because she’s too young.

Rick Trinkner of the University of New Hampshire has researched the types of families who raise self-confident, self-controlled, respectful children. Trinkner says,

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Parent Authority Cards

How to Use Your Parent Authority

Stop nagging and criticizing so your kids can hear you.

These 10 Parent Authority Cards give you dialogue for 10 different situations to help you understand how to use your authority and at the same time set your expectations appropriately for your children. Your parent authority comes into play when your children should not be expected to know what to do or how to do it because of their age and stage of development – all the way to teens. That’s why you are their authority figure for 18+ years. Instead of yelling or nagging endlessly, use your authority properly and effectively and get the results you want.

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Your Parent Authority is Important
My Parent Authority Card

Children need parental authority to know who is in charge. And parents need authority to maintain order and provide children with the scaffolding they need to climb high.

However, the meaning of authority is often misunderstood as the right to give orders and enforce obedience. This is not appropriate authority for a healthy parent-child relationship.

Another definition is “the power to influence others because of one’s recognized knowledge about something”.

The power of influence is the huge responsibility inherent in parenting – a responsibility too often relinquished when parents feel insecure, overwhelmed or angry.

Without consciousness and care, that influence can have an extremely negative effect. When children’s behavior triggers emotional reactions and automatic, knee-jerk attempts at control, parents have a negative effect and their unrealistic expectations of their children provoke resistance and defiance.

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On Being a Parent

Becoming a parent is easy. Being a parent is the hardest job you will ever have. There are as many “shoulds” and “oughts” about parenting as books on bookstore shelves. What should you do? Who do you listen to?

Some say trust your instincts. I agree. After all we are evolved to procreate and raise children in the culture of our heritage. It should be as easy as it appears for the birds and the bees. But where are all those wise instincts we’re born with? For most of us, they are buried under layers upon layers and years and years of being told what to do, when to do it and how to do it. We’re taught if we don’t listen to parents and elders, we will be in trouble, maybe not be loved or accepted. Years of learned experience has set up detours and roadblocks tricking most of us away from our instincts to look in the wrong direction for the answers.

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What the #MeToo Movement Can Teach Parents

I doubt if there is a parent alive who is okay with a daughter being sexually compromised, unable to stop unwanted advances, or getting less pay than her male counterpart — or a son becoming a bully or sexual predator who objectifies women for his pleasure and who expects higher pay than his female counterpart. Surely, we want our children to grow strong in their voices and opinions, while respectful of all those they are in relationship with.

So how do you do it? How do you raise a strongly opinionated woman who can stop any unwanted influence if you get angry and impatient with her demands at age three, seven, ten, fourteen? What does she learn about herself when the grownups in her life shut down her strong emotions, even when they get physical, with put downs, blame, shame, and punishment?

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Parent Coaching and Counseling
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What would you like to change about life with your children?

  • Are you done with dealing with difficult kids and wish you could go on strike?
  • Do you wish you could stop yelling and threatening and stay calm?
  • Ever fear your kids are spoiled, addicted to technology, won’t ever listen — to anyone?
  • Do you wish you and your spouse were more on the same page?
  • Are you afraid your reactions are harming your relationship and your child?
  • Is your family disrupted by the resistance and attitude of a strong-willed child?
  • And do you have no one you trust to give you the information you really need?

Through Skype, Face Time, phone or office visit, Bonnie listens to your unique situation and offers parenting tips and strategies to help you establish a mutually respectful and cooperative relationship. She will help you regain your authority and find the calm necessary to be the model your children need — so you can be a more peaceful parent.

Relationship is the key. It’s your relationship with your child that forms the foundation your child needs to stand strong and confident, resist unwanted influences, and develop resilience and responsibility.

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Great Parenting Teleseminar

When Your Kids Push Your Buttons!

A Teleseminar

A Special Offer from Bonnie for The Great Parenting Show

Follow this recorded teleseminar—a 12 hour Buttons workshop for parents—at your own pace and preferred time. Use your workbook (download included) for the exercises and homework between sessions to apply the work to your personal life and family.

Listen and learn in the convenience of your home—no travel, no babysitters, no driving, no parking, no added costs, no hassles. Listen to the classes as often as you like.


When Your Kids Push Your Buttons Class:

This Teleseminar is in 2 Parts, 4 sessions in each part Purchase =&0=& and =&1=& together for only =&2=& -Includes- Full Workbook 2 Bonus Q&A Live Sessions 2 MP3 books 2 half-pice coupons for 2 sessions! See descriptions of the workshop below. Special Offer!! Click here to learn about aspecial savings opportunity to work with Bonnie personally.

Please note: Paypal will transfer you to a download page when you finish checkout. Should you experience any issues with this transfer, please don’t hesitate to email bh@bonnieharris.com for the download page address.

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