Tag Archives: reward

Misbehavior = Mis(taken)behavior

Your child’s behavior is only the tip of the iceberg. Don’t take it literally. It has emotional triggers hidden beneath the surface. This is where your attention is to be directed. When we see only the behavior and decide it is either good or bad and should be either rewarded or punished, we are missing the boat—actually the boat will hit the huge section of iceberg beneath the water’s surface and sink. Our parenting culture is programed to look only at behavior and try to change it to suit us. This is manipulative and teaches children to be manipulative.

All behavior is perfect. It reflects and tells us how our children are doing. We should be grateful for it. If behavior is age and temperament-appropriate, even if it’s annoying, it tells us our child is fine. If it is inappropriate, out of control, violent, etc. it tells us our child is having a problem. So when we see the behavior as “misbehavior”, we see it as bad and therefore have to change it, typically by using punishment. But we have

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Stopping by a Moose/Intrinsic Rewards

Yesterday driving through MA, I spotted a moose in the woods. It was huge. My friend who was driving turned around so we could all see it. We stopped on the side of the road and my husband got out to take a picture. Just then the moose moved, and my friend backed up a bit to see it more clearly. Only she backed off the road into a deep, snowy trench that her efforts dug the car deeper and deeper into. It was looking like we needed help. The first car by was a woman who said that cellphone reception was not possible where we were and she would drive to the nearest station to send a tow truck. My friend kept trying to pull out but sent the right-hand tires into the snow even deeper. Every car that came by stopped to help. We really are good at that! Some got out to peruse the situation and give a push. Finally a small guy realized that what was needed was muscle from the snow-banked side of the road

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