Do you want to feel more confident in your parenting decisions and actions? Do you want a mutually respectful and loving relationship with your kids? Do you want a little more cooperation in your family?
Here is the book you’ll wish your parents had — because then you would have more of that confidence you long for.
When a child believes he is bad, he behaves badly; and parents react badly. This reconfirms for the child that he is bad. The age-old cycle of reward and punishment keeps spinning in order to maintain control. But punishment (consequences) is only an illusion of control. Most parents know it doesn’t work, because they end up feeling more out of control, their children “don’t listen” and resistance grows. But they don’t know what else to do.
If you find yourself in this most unhappy place, you want answers.
I hear parents complain all the time, “I’ve tried everything and nothing works.” The problem is that “everything” does not include what you truly need — a new understanding of your child and what her behavior really means.
“But if I don’t punish (use consequences), what do I do?”
The old reward and punishment system of discipline creates a disconnected relationship in which children feel unaccepted and misunderstood resulting in resistance and anger. Yet even when parents understand this, they are hard pressed to know an alternative. The answer to this question is found in a balanced relationship where blame and punishment are replaced with problem solving and holding clear boundaries — a more compassionate approach that teaches responsibility and accountability and brings parent and child together in life-long connection.