Tag Archives: Culture of compassion

It’s easier than you think—and the hardest thing you’ll ever do.

I spend a lot of time writing and talking about my opinions on children’s behavior, my theories of Connective Parenting, validation, acceptance—all the principles I believe in to encourage parents to let go of the old traditional methods of parenting we have used for eons. I want us to change our mindsets from a culture of punishment to one of compassion.

A culture of compassion does not at all mean being passive and permissive. Firmness, limits, rules, and making sure the adult’s needs are met as well as the child’s are all attributes of compassionate parenting. Compassion simply means understanding the child’s point of view, the roots of their behavior and being willing to hear what you and the rest of the world must sound like from your child’s point of view.

But today instead of my opinion, I want to share an email I had from a connective parent that I think sums it up.

I am the proud mom of a 14 year old girl, a 6 year old boy, a 4 year old girl, and a 3 year old boy. I spent the majority of my teenager’s childhood as a working single parent, but I was blessed to later find my soulmate, who is the dad of my youngest 3 children, and because of him I am now a very happy stay home mom. My teen was a very easy child to parent, and I believe I was blessed with the “easy one” when I needed it most. My 6 year old, however, turned my world upside down, and from the very beginning fit Mary Kurcinka’s definition of a “spirited child”. I shed more tears over him in the first 3 years of his life than I did in total over my older daughter. I could not use the “traditional” parenting techniques on him because he was (and is) very smart, curious, tenacious, persistent, and emotional. Your books saved our relationship. I now have the most beautiful connection with him, and I am beyond thankful for all the lessons I learned about myself, relationships, and parenting all because of him. I’ve never had the same struggles with my younger 2 children because they both have milder temperaments, plus I had changed my parenting approach thanks to their older brother.

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