“If only I could stay calm…”
“I just react… I can’t help it!”
Every success story I have ever received from a parent includes, I was able to stay calm. Okay, easier said than done, I know. Human beings are reactive. When we feel threatened, we automatically retaliate. It takes self-awareness and consciousness to intervene before that retaliation. Mostly we gain that self-control in the growing up process, but when our buttons get pushed, old stuff gets triggered self-control feels out of reach.
Without going into the old stuff here, suffice it to say that the amygdala section of the limbic system in the brain gets triggered when a button gets pushed, and we go into fight, flight or freeze mode. Especially when a button gets pushed, we need to gain some perspective so we don’t fly off the handle and react in ways we soon regret. To learn more about what happens in your brain at this time, read this.
Our reactions have very little reason attached to them. They are pure emotion and carrying through means at best we are ineffective in teaching our child anything and at worst, can be damaging. All effective teaching happens when both you and your child are calm and can be reasonable.