Tag Archives: parenting

Feb ’22 Q&A Hitting a Wall? (Revising a conversation from May ’20)

Q. I’m utterly overwhelmed. I’m resentful of those who have support from a partner and grandparents and guilty for feeling resentful. Frustrated that there’s no end in sight. Exhausted, emotionally and physically. Sad. I miss my family and friends. Lonely. 3 kids 1, 4 and 8 entirely on my own. Working 60 hours a week. Trying to be grateful I’m employed but there is no balance possible when you have 3 kids in tow. I don’t bathe or sleep without them and if I try, they scream or immediately ‘need’ me for something which is their anxiety showing up. It’s endless. How do I stay sane?

A. We’re on year three of a global pandemic and all of us, especially parents with young unvaccinated children or families with unpredictable child education schedules due to positive COVID cases, are still very much in the throes of it. If we thought we were exhausted in May, 2020, it’s certainly not gotten better for a lot of people. Maybe we’ve become more accustomed to our reality, but emotional stress among our hardworking families

We live in a school culture within a parenting culture that expects its children to fit in and embrace that culture.

For many children acculturation happens seamlessly. But for at least 1 in 5 children*, it requires giving up oneself, shifting off base, and surrendering to a non-nurturing authority. In other words, understanding that you are wrong and the other is right. Parents are expected to take on the role of enforcer using consequences, threats, punishment, withdrawal of what is most cherished—coercive tactics to manipulate children into being who they are expected to be.

These are the children we see as defiant and oppositional. The square pegs society tries to fit into its round holes. And if they don’t adjust enough, they become the troublemakers, the problems, the ones we fear our children will grow up to be. These are the children who are tough to raise and who cause problems in classrooms.

At home, they fight the rules and argue every direction given. Parents complain they never listen, won’t do as they’re told and refuse to comply. At school

When I heard about Adrian Peterson’s switch-beating of his 4 yr. old son with all the gruesome details, I was filled with disgust. Then he claimed that he was brought up that way, and he did it to teach his son right from wrong. Ignorant of child development and playing out his own treatment, I thought—not to mention the power and privilege of his position with the NFL that apparently gave him the right. Then I heard Michael Eric Dyson on television and read his NY Times Op-Ed piece on the subject.

Dyson, the author of sixteen books on subjects such as Martin Luther King Jr., Bill Cosby, and soon Obama, is a Georgetown sociology professor and outspoken and highly influential African American. Hearing his perspective opened my eyes.

According to Dyson, black Americans have a distinct history with severe corporal punishment dating back to slavery. “Black parents beat their children to keep them from misbehaving in the eyes of whites who had the power to send black youth to their deaths for the slightest offense”, Dyson says. “Today, many